One thing that I have learned about myself is that I am a People pleaser. I always want to help others and make others happy, which isn’t a bad thing, but I can get carried away and forget to help myself and focus on my own happiness. I had to learn to say no to others and yes to myself, which is still a work in progress but has become a lot easier than when I started to learn how to say the word “no.” I can recognize where it’s important to say no and take myself out of a situation. This doesn’t mean when your boss asks you to do a task and think, hmmm. No, don’t want to do that, no no, that’s still your responsibility that you are paid to do unless you feel your life or health is at risk. What this does mean is if your friends are asking for help with a move or needing a service they require for free for example, it’s ok to say no if your not wanting to do so because, in the long run, it’s draining your mental health or energy, its ok to say no, its ok to put yourself first. NEVER forget that.
A Few Tips On How To Say No :
1.) Be Direct – don’t beat around the bush, be confident in your decision and be direct with words like ” No, Im not free.” “No, I can’t” or even No, I don’t want to .” stand up for yourself and be confident while being direct, you’re not asking for permission to say no.
2.) Don’t Make Excuses/ Lie – this will lead to guilt and we are capable of not doing something for others guilt-free but if you make excuses or lie this will dwell on you making you cave next time or possibly giving your body unnecessary anxiety. This can be avoided
3.) Don’t “Think About It”- Don’t say you’ll think about it unless you really mean it. Otherwise, this prolongs the situation and will make you feel even more stressed. Just be direct.
4.) Remind Yourself- When you’re feeling a struggle and feel you need to say yes to make others happy, remind yourself of your worth and value. You are valuable, your time is valuable and your self worth does not depend on how much you do for others.
5.)Don’t Look Back- after giving your answer, stand tall with that answer, accept your decision, don’t let guilt get to you, you are entitled to say no when you need to. It’s not your job to please everyone. Focus on how good you feel, the relief of not doing something you didn’t want to, the stress is gone and you move on with your day. If the person gives you grief for saying no, maybe it’s time to rethink your relationship with that person.
Now, I’m not suggesting to say no to everything, we do still need to show up for our friends and family, but is it something where you already feel mentally and physically drained and just feel doing this service will put the cherry on top, then you need to say no, and do something for you.