How many times have you told yourself, what if I could go back with what I know now?
Its a very common thought we all go through but as I focus and learn about what makes me happy in life its something that had been on my mind constantly.
I do not regret my life as many of the obstacles and bad choices made have shaped me into who I am and gave me the opportunity to really appreciate and value life and gave me the chance to see how strong I truly can be when at the time seemed completely impossible to get through.
However, I am always caught thinking, what if?
if I could still have lived the life I did but given a chance to have a second version these are a few things I would have done differently:
- Go To School– In my days, I thought skipping classes was cool and that I had much more important things to do than learn. I had many ways of getting out of class or not attending at all without the phone call going home to let mom know I was not in school, She would still get the phone calls from time to time but I got to a point of being out of control that even when those phone calls where received, not much could be done about it. I did what I wanted and my mom was at a point of fear not knowing what to do ( Sorry Mom). My thought at that age was, I’m pretty I’ll Marry rich. no joke this is the train of thought for a 15-18-year-old, thinking this was the prime of your life and the future did not matter. I thought it was cute to be dumb and playoff that “dumb blonde” act ( thanks Jessica Simpson) but just a few years later things started to change and I would start to see that the act was not in fact in cute and actually a little pathetic. Well great, now I have been out of school for a while, no real academic to fall back on and got stuck just working pay cheque to pay cheque most of my life. If I had put the effort and time into an education back then and stuck through with going to a college and getting some sort of degree, I feel I would be 10 years ahead of my own game and possibly 10 years earlier to my retirement plan! I am lucky that I did graduate, I got it together enough with the help of family to push through my final year. So if any kids are perhaps reading this, stay in school Just suck it up and push through these years so you can live the best to come.
- Don’t Do Drugs- Kind of a no brainer but at the same time important to put out there. I feel like I was surrounded by drugs and
alcohol wherever I went growing up but wish I had a better will power to say no. Because of the addiction I took on, this was one of the main reasons I did not go to school, and if I did 90% of the time, I was on drugs. Now I said I don’t regret anything and I don’t but this is something I defiantly feel ashamed about the most. I saw how bad alcohol and drugs completely tore my family apart but yet continued to go down that path. I had some dark demons I was not ready to face and spent over 10 years trying to run away from by the consumption of drugs and alcohol. At the time it seemed fun and seemed to be healing my demons just fine but as the addiction grew, I got really really sick. I reached out for some help after I chopped all my hair off to just above my ear, I was as white as a skeleton and looked like a skeleton with my ribs visibly showing through my skin after weighing no more than 90 pounds. That actually created some of the worst health problems for me that I deal with today still and not to mention the unlimited anxiety I will never be able to fully run away from because of the chemical reaction from the drugs to my brain. I already deal with issues with my brain which will be discussed at a later time, this was the worst thing I could have done for my health. I quit doing drugs consecutively when I was 22 and by 25 it was fully out of my life and the road to success started. I am thankful I got it out of the way and got help to recover and not end up living on the streets and I am thankful for the street smarts that lifestyle brought me but If I could just not have done them and focus on schooling and my future, things would seem a lot more in place right about now instead of having to start figuring it out. Moral of the story, don’t do drugs.
- Live My 20’s- Because I did not have any career lined up or any education to get a good job I had to grow up really fast, so I thought I needed to land that husband right away and ensure that stability instead of ensuring independence. From 18 to now (30) I have been in a relationship (8 Years with the same guy). Now again I do not regret this, I love my guy and the journey we created together but… of course, there is a but. I never experienced that security and independence of counting on myself.
I never had the 20’s experience to live freely and travel with friends and truly learn about myself and set myself up for that confidence and success I am only learning about now. There is absolutely no need to settle down at 20. Life may be short, yes but now here I am at 30 with so much to see and learn. So anyone thinking they need to rush into marriage before 30, just don’t. Live your life Freely for a while and embrace your self-love. It will only make you stronger in the long run.
With that being said, I am thankful for the life I was given and the obstacles I defeated to get where I am today.
Let me know what you would have done differently if you had a Round 2!